Ending It

When I first met you everything seemed so amazing! Anything was possible! You and I were meant to be!

I thought we'd be together for a long time-forever was a real possibility back then.

It just seemed right.

Until it didn't.

Did you change or was it me? Or maybe neither of us did. Maybe we are the same as we always were and our incompatibility was overlooked because of infatuation and hope.

I thought we could reconcile after our first separation and I tried my best to start over but there is something that just doesn't work about you and me.

Truthfully I feel better without you.

Truthfully you've already been replaced.

And you know what, I know you are probably pretty close to perfect- that many others will love you- you're just destined for someone else. Someone who will appreciate you to your full potential. Someone who isn't like me.

You make me obsessive. You made me make poor choices. You make me a little bit nuts.

I hate that and I refuse to live like that and that is why I have to go.

Thanks for the time we had. For what its worth I learned a lot about me from you. That is valuable and will never be forgotten. You changed me and who I am today because and in spite of you is something pretty great.

I wish you nothing but the best and I have no hard feelings.

I'd say we should be friends but that never works. Instead I will just admire you from a far.

Take care,

Sam

It's official, I have broken off my relationship with My Fitness Pal. It's for the best and the split was amicable. We're both doing fine.



So tell me, what bad for you habit have you broken up with lately?

The Work Trap

The other day I came across an article (that I now can't find the link for...grr!) detailing how working in an office can be detrimental to your health. For obvious reasons (aka: I work in an office) this caught my attention and got me thinking....

Could this be an issue for me?

Overall I like to think I am a pretty health focused individual but could I be caught in the trap without even knowing?

There are definitely some potentials:

1. I sit at a desk or in a meeting room for most of my day. Given that a work week is 40+ hours that's a lot of time parked on my butt.

2. The never ending cycle of office potlucks, birthday celebrations and otherwise unhealthy fare that makes its way into the fold. All that tempting food is hard to turn down when it's everywhere, all the time.

3. Recycled air. Studies have shown that air inside a building can be substantially dirtier then the air outside. Pollutants from air conditioning and bacteria plaoting around can pose health risks for some people. Source

4. Germs. Sharing office equipment and working with dedicated people who battle through colds and flus at work can expose me to viruses and bacteria that can wreak havoc on my overall health.

5. Stress. Working under pressure to meet deadlines and solve issues as they crop up certainly weigh on me both mentally and physically.



So how do I combat this possible problems since winning the lottery and retiring by 30 isn't quite panning out the way I had planned?

1. Get up and walk around when I can. Instead of sending emails or making phone calls I try to get up and go talk to people when I have time. Not only does it get me moving but the face to face interaction is a nice break from staring at a computer screen all day.

2. Pack a healthy lunch and stock my drawers with healthy snacks. It's a lot easier to say no to the slice of birthday cake when you aren't starving and looking for a 3pm pick me up.

3. Make friends with the healthy coworkers who encourage active living and keep me motivated. Its much harder to skip a workout when someone is standing at your desk with her gym bag, ready to go for a run.

4. Take the stairs. It doesn't seem like a big deal but any extra physical activity sure can't hurt!

5. Use the work gym. It's in the building and its free. How could I say no?

6. Make a healthy lifestyle a priority. There are a 168 hours in a week, meaning that 128 of them aren't spent at work. That's a lot of time to make up for all the desk sitting, dirty air breathing, stress accumulation that takes place.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a LottoMax ticket to check...

So tell me, is your job a healthy living hazard? How do you avoid the trap?

How NOT to be a Role Model

As someone who takes a lot of pride in being a part of this wonderful little healthy living community I also take on a certain level of responsibility for the message I put out there. People (albeit a relatively small but extraordinarily awesome group of people) read what I have to say, and on the small chance that anyone is inspired by it I need to be responsible. Real and honest but responsible.

Which brings me to my issue: Celebrities, who have a much, MUCH larger following of people who look up to them, should also take on a personal responsibility to send a positive message.

Likewise, magazines geared at women who are trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle should also feel a sense of obligation for putting healthy messages out there.

So imagine my disgust when I stumbled upon this:

1,100 calories a day? Are you freakin' kidding me! C'mon Kim, I know you want to look your best for your wedding but with your intense workout schedule (see above) this is pretty much starvation!

Not cool (or safe) seeing as you used to represent the curvy gals of the world.

Here's another example of too little food for a severly active person being touted as a good way to live

Ugh! Two hours of tennis four times a week and this singer is limiting herself to 1,300 calories a day?

Even worse she suggests that a glass of wine in the evening would make her feel guilty. One glass?? Really?

Enough with the "guilt talk" people. Women already have enough negative associations with food without reading about their favorite star suggesting that this drastic way of eating is normal. There is no reason someone should feel guilty about their food choices, especially something as measly as 120 calories of wine!!

As someone who admittedly is trying to drop some extra weight and who is using food tracking to aid in that process I will put this out there: 

 I aim for 1200-1300 calories on the days that I do no form of intentional physical activity (ie: my complete rest days).

On days that I do exercise I add back most of the calories from my workout, putting me up to 1700-2000 calories.

I also ensure that I add in 100-200 extra calories, in the form of carbs, the day before a long run. This is on top of my existing carb intake for that day.

I should also note that this is my strategy to lose the weight. Once I am in a maintanence phase I will  strive for anywhere between 1600 and 2400 calories a day on average.

1,100 and intense workouts? Umm...no thanks!

Oh and then there is this ad that keeps popping up in magazines

There is nothing obviously wrong with it but it irks the hell outta me! Who looks like that when they eat a protein bar? When I eat one its because I just did a killer workout and for the most part I am a hot mess who will snarl at anyone who tries to get me to pose awkwardly for a photo before biting into it.

But that's just me.

And I'm not even a famous role model.


Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or nutritionist. The opinions expressed in this post are my own based on research that I am done over an extended period of time. If you need advice on calorie or food intake please consult a professional.


So tell me, how do you feel about celebrities and their "stay fit" tips?

No Regrets....

So I know I haven't talked about it in a while, nor did I give you the promised update on my progress since I signed up for My Fitness Pal a few months ago (I am such a lying jerk, I know!) and because I suspect you have all been just waiting on the edge of your seats, here it is:

I haven't lost a freakin' pound.

Alright that's another lie (its becoming compulsive!)

I lost 5lbs in the first two weeks, got lazy and careless, stopped using the tool altogether and gained the 5 back. Then I gained a few more for good measure.

Not exactly the game plan.

That was in May. Now that its mid July (holy crap where is the summer going!) I am really starting to feel like I let myself down on this one. Too many excuses, too many I'll start tomorrow's and here I am at my "not happy weight" and regretting that I let it get here ....again.

In the words of Karen Lamb:

A year from now you may wish you had started today

On other (Sam) words:

What the hell are you waiting for??

I know that if left to my habits from the past few months I would definitely be wishing I had started something today. So instead of giving myself 365 days to build up some really crushing regret I'm just going to go ahead and start today.

Or rather Monday. As in last Monday.

As of the beginning of the week I am back on My Fitness Pal and keeping track of my food intake and exercise. I am focusing on wholesome food and portion control as well as maintaining my typical activity level in the hopes that I can shed some of the excess weight that is literally bogging me down.

And yes I am still the girl that loves herself at any size. That hasn't changed at all. On the flip side I can't lug around unnecessary pounds because it isn't good for my health or my training. Let's be honest, would you want to run carrying a 15lb back pack?

I think not.

So this is it..no more excuses! I need to own my choices while keeping my goals in mind. I get up and run because I have a goal (ie: marathon) so this really shouldn't be any different. And like the occasional missed workout, a slice of pizza here and there won't destroy my ability to meet my goal.

A slice of pizza and a skipped workout every day might be a different story.

Now I know this is not a "weight loss" blog but sometimes losing weight is a part of an overall healthy lifestyle so my plans are to keep you in the loop as far as progress and insights are concerned. If you are the type to steer clear of this type of conversation because it might trigger an issue for you (or because you find it D-U-L-L) I completely understand. There will be plenty of other posts for you to enjoy.

And yes, there will still be cat photos (who just breathed a sigh of relief on that one??)

Here's a little trick that I picked up along the way: When trying to eat a calorie controlled yet nutrient dense diet, always fill up on veggies.

Yeah, I would say I got that down to a science don't ya think?

Now that's no lie!


So tell me, what's one thing (big or small) you should start today so you won't look back with regret?

If "You Are What You Eat?" then what does that make me??

After writing last night's post and reading the comments as they came in (thank you all for sharing your thoughts!) I couldn't help but think about how what we eat truly defines who we are. And not in a self-deprecating way at all but in the sense that what we fuel our bodies with can change the way we feel physically, mentally and emotionally. Food, something many of us take for granted, can cause or prevent disease, which ultimately allows it to somewhat dictate our life and how long we might live it. It's pretty crazy when you think about it huh?

That got me thinking that a part of this whole journey that I am on is to live my best life as my best self. Not perfect. Not flawless. Not up to someone else's standard. Just the best version of me that I can be. And because food is so influential in all facets of that life the things I consume should reflect my intentions.

If I were to be the food that I eat, who would I be?

That's a good start...

Definitely proud to be associated with that...

Yes, yes, yes!!

For damn sure!...

In this sense being called a monster is a very good thing!..

Okay so I definitely have some good food choices that can help positively portray who I am and where I want to go. My biggest issue then is consistency. I eat like this quite regularly but in between these really strong moments there are copious amounts of not-so-stellar treats like candy, soda, chips.I say it all the time and I will say it again, I believe in balance. But that does not mean that it's 50/50! I should not ingest one sour key for every spoonful of yogurt (not that I do that everyday  but you catch my drift)

So what does it all mean? Instead of a diet plan or food rules I want to begin to treat my food consumption as another choice that is meant to reflect how I want to be treated. By feeding myself wholesome, nutrient dense food I am respecting and loving myself. Its so simple and healthy and that's just the way I like it.

And hey, some days love and respect mean having the cake. Nothing says I love you better then the occasional slice of Oreo cheesecake anyway!

So I am what I eat huh? I guess I must have eaten a whole lot of "weirdness" growing up.....



So tell me if you are what you eat, what does that make you??

My Battle with Compulsive Eating

Today was the first time in a long time that I didn't eat for the sake of eating. Because the clock said it was meal time. Because there was food within reach that might otherwise go to waste. Because I felt compelled to eat something (anything)

Today is also the first time in a long time that I felt absolutely comfortable putting these feelings into words for you to see. I've addressed this before ( Read more here) but have since continued to deal with the issue, mostly in silence and to some extent denial.

I battle with compulsive eating.

I used to think of it as overeating, something I had complete control over (if I really wanted to), but I have come to realize it is so much more then that. The difference, at least in my own estimation, is that overeating is something we all do from time to time, when the spread of food before us is delicious and we can't resist a second helping. Think Christmas or a backyard BBQ. On the other hand compulsive eating is the need to eat to fill some void (boredom, stress, sadness). The consumables are far less important then the act of consuming itself. There is a loss of self-control. Its a compulsion, in the most clear sense of the word.

com.pul.sion Psychology . a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, especially one that is irrational or contrary to one's will. Source

The sheer magnitude of what I have been dealing with for years hit me when, tears streaming down my cheeks, I likened the need to eat during these episodes to an alcoholic's need to drink. I went so far to suggest that I have watched people eat small portions of some of my trigger foods* and have wondered how it was possible for them to stop themselves, something that seemed so damn near impossible for me. It was that moment and the look on The Boyfriend's face (the witness to this particular revelation) that made me realize that this is, without a doubt, a problem.
 
I have run the gauntlet of emotions when it comes to this issue:
 
Anger, frustration and resentment (Why me?!?)
 
Shame and embarassment at the lack of control and the inability to put an end to it sooner
 
Fear that it would continue to spiral out of control
 
Hopeless that I will ever overcome it completely
 
Uncertain that anyone will understand and worried that people will judge me
 
Determined that I wouldn't let this battle get the best of me
 
 

 
 
 
 I wish I could say that this was the post to announce that I have passed through the hardest parts and that I am on my way to recovery. Instead I am still on that journey, forging ahead with every day that goes by. The first step was realizing the problem and I have finally come to terms with this disorder, which is one that I do not suffer alone. And in realizing what I am up against and that I am not alone in this, I am on my way to getting better one day at a time.
 
I expect less than perfect days ahead. Polarizing days into good and bad is how I got here in the first place. So on those days where I slip up and binge I will remember that I can move on from it and still be well on my way to a better place physically, mentally and emotionally.
 
Currently I am working through the e-book Taking Action: 30 Specific Strategies for Overcoming Emotional Eating a resource that has proved helpful in my quest to better understand the issue. The next step is to commit to the resolution and to begin to take the steps necessary to get there.
 
This won't be the last post on the topic as there are a million ideas running through my mind with respects to my experiences with it. That being said I will leave it here for now. I'm legitimately hungry and if there is one thing I already understand it is that listening to my body's hunger cues is crucial to making compulsive eating a thing of the past.
 
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
 
*a particular food that will bring on a binge or be incorporated in a binge. For me it is typically crackers and chips or other snack-type foods
 


So tell me, is there anything about this post that resonates with you?

Accountability vs. Obsession

I'll admit, I am apprehensive to discuss weight and weight loss on my blog. I have witnessed a great deal of controversy in the healthy living community with respects to this highly sensitive subject and I have always opted to tread lightly (or barely at all)

The truth is, while I recognize and agree that our society puts a lot of emphasis on body image and a distorted understanding of what the ideal female shape is, I still believe weight and weight loss are topics that can't be ignored.




Source


To me weight serves as one of the (but not the only) key indicators of health.

A healthy body weight, when achieved through good nutrition and adequate physical activity, signals that we are providing our bodies with the fuel to perform at an optimal level on the inside and out.

Additionally, I can't help but look at weight maintenance as a preventative measure against diseases like diabetes, heart disease and cancer.

So yes, while it can be difficult to discern what a healthy weight and body shape is, and in many case it is varied from person to person based on a set of circumstances, I will come right out and say that I believe people do need to be held accountable for their health.

Food, exercise, rest and stress reduction are a part of health. When done properly these all lead to a healthy weight.

Thus, healthy weight=accountability, at least in my opinion.

I don't look past the fact that for some people a focus on weight becomes obsessive. Then again, I don't believe it necessarily goes hand in hand with obsession either. I believe many people (although perhaps not all) can hold themselves closely accountable without bordering on compulsion.

Okay, let me take a step back. I'm not a doctor or a trained professional in this area, so I will continue by talking about myself specifically:

I believe I can and SHOULD track my eating habits and exercise patterns because this keeps me accountable and therefore healthy. Believe me when I say I want to be healthy. I really do. But sometimes its just to easy to "forget" about the Easter eggs you snuck before dinner or underestimate the number of calories in a yummy drink from your local coffee house.

Sometimes its easy for me to let myself slip, again and again and again. And then, as if out of no where I am feeling sluggish, my pants are much tighter, I have a reoccurring headache and I've gained 10lbs. Ooops!? Yeah, not exactly.

Enter My Fitness Pal, an online application that allows me to plug in my goal (weight loss, weight maintenance etc), my personal details including my activity level and voila I am given my calorie target. Throughout the day I input all the food and beverages that I consume and their calorie totals are subtracted from my initial target, ultimately determining if I am on target, over or under.

My favorite things about the tool are:

• I am able to input my exercise for the day which add to my calorie target. In all honesty my target is quite low on a daily basis but when I exercise for 30 minutes or more I definitely have a more manageable calorie allotment for the day. (This has increased my motivation to workout pretty significantly)

• The tool tracks saturated fat, fibre, protein and other nutritional information which are just as valuable as calories for overall health

• The tool recognizes foods from my local grocery chain and restaurants which makes tracking quick and easy

• Seeing the calorie content makes me take a closer look at the food I eat and the portion sizes. I am much less likely to overindulge if I know what a portion looks like or that the entire appetizer is 960cal (This happened today and I nearly fell off my chair. I didn't but proceeded to eat a 1/4 and "donated" the rest to The Boyfriend)

• The tool has a Blackberry App so I can continue to track on the go. (The App is available for iPhone also)

I would honestly recommend this to anyone who want to track their eating and exercise habits for the short or long term. And while I would gather that many people are attracted to the tool for weight loss purposes I genuinely believe it can be beneficial for so much more then that.

Not everyone has pounds to lose but I do believe the vast majority of people could benefit from a closer inspection of the food that they eat for all the aspects of nutrition, calories included or not.

That said, I would not recommend this to anyone that has dealt with certain patterns of disordered eating as I fear that it could be a trigger for severe restriction.

My plan is to use the tool for a least a month in order to adopt the habits associated with eating the rights foods and enough (but not too much) of them.

 I will say that I am struggling with some binge eating issues (I discussed them here in the past) that I will address in future blog posts but this is a positive step in the right direction for me to get back on track with respects to my eating patterns.

I will update you in a month with my experiences using this tool and the impact it has had on my health-focused lifestyle.


So tell me, do you track your food intake or exercise? How do you feel about weight loss in the blog world?


*Please note that these are my honest opinions about the online application My Fitness Pal. I am not affiliated with the product or company and do not receive compensation for using or reviewing the application

Healthy Living on Vacation: How Did I Do??

You may recall that I wrote a post outlining my approach to healthy living while on vacation prior to leaving for Cuba. In it I detailed that while I was on vacation I was not completely abandoning all the key elements of a healthy lifestyle like nutritious eats and physical activity.

So how did I do with that you ask?

Ok. Not great, not terrible.

I did run, albeit it was once and only 25 minutes but I still made the effort to lace up my sneakers and get out there.

I ate healthy foods like fresh fruit, vegetables, fish, chicken and rice.

I definitely relaxed..by the pool..on the beach..in the hotel lobby...in my room...pretty much everywhere I could! I read trashy gossip magazines, started a new book and caught up with my best friend. In the relaxation department I think I get top marks!


On the flip side I also ate not so healthy things like donuts, chocolate and ice cream. But c'mon, it was free and unlimited! Whats a girl to do really?

I also drank more then I needed to and paid the price big time. I don't have any photos to share of that moment...you're welcome for that!

And I ended up with health issues has a result of not taking proper care of my self and my eyes. Stupid mistake and one that I can't afford to make again. Seeing is kind of a big deal to me!!

If you ever take any of my advice (despite any medical certification or training) please remember to take out your contact lenses when you sleep. Hypoxia is a scary, painful and inconvenient thing. Take my word for it.

So yes, there were lessons learned on this vacation such as: one tequila, two tequila three tequila...you're sick as a dog and will miss the much awaited trip on a catamaran. But even more importantly I came back with a refreshed perspective and the knowledge that I need to:

• take more time to relax on a regular basis and not wait for an annual vacation to decompress.

• accept the things I cannot change. To put it bluntly, shit happens. Sometimes you can't do anything but go with it.

• embrace who you are right now. I'm not at my ideal weight and all my pants are a little snug but I am confident and I feel good about the me that I am and that I will be. Getting back on track with my healthy little life will only add to that sentiment. But for now I am comfortable enough to post a *gasp* bathing suit picture and not care who see it or what he/she might think about it either!!

Self-love as a souvenir? I'll take it!


So tell me, whats the best thing you ever brought home from vacation?

Healthy Living on Vacation

With just a few days to go before my trip to Cuba I am definitely getting excited about the fun in the sun, lounging on the beach, mojitos at the swim up bar, buffet breakfasts everyday and late nights at the disco, the lobby bar or dancing it up at Cynthia's wedding.

Yes, vacations are great for getting away from it all. But does all mean all, as in a healthy lifestyle?

I say no but with an explanation:

Yes I plan to seek out healthy eats like fresh fruit, vegetables and fish. That said if there are croissants at the breakfast buffet I am all over that like bees on a honey comb baby!

Yes I plan to work in some physical activity like running on the beach and playing volleyball and I may even hit the resort's gym a few times but I am not doing any of this at the expense of fun or a mojito. I rarely drink alcohol or choose to unnecessarily skip a workout in regular life so its my time to indulge a little.

Yes I plan to relax and de-stress and come back feeling rejuvenated. There's no ifs, and or buts about this one. Its a priority.

In short I am not going to abandon my lifestyle completely when I'm away but I am also going to enjoy myself and not worry about calories consumed or kilometres ran. For those 7 days I am Sam the Vacation Edition! I can not wait to get started

Now to make sure I leave room in my suitcase for these guys

 And convince this guy that he's gotta sit this trip out

Sorry Lil' Piglet but someone has got to stay back and keep The Boyfriend company while I'm gone


4 more sleeps!!

So tell me, what are your thoughts on healthy living while on vacation? Do you keep up with your regular eating habits and exercise routine while you are away?